How To Will Yourself To Success
Posted: Friday, June 22, 2007
by James P Krehbiel
Krehbiel Counseling
One struggle most of us face is gathering the strength and courage to break through the impasse we create which consists of avoidance and fear – the twin killers of growth. Why is it that some of us are motivated and can accomplish everyday tasks and set long-term goals? On the contrary, why is it that many of us avoid, procrastinate, and waste valuable time agonizing about our inability to carry out the simplest of tasks?
The will to act must be greater than the power to resist. In other words, the urge to accomplish a task must cascade until its force becomes irresistible. For some, this means a mounting volcano of frustration and anger, being fed-up with the familiar. The constructive anger to achieve must drown out the passive voice of laziness. Often, people say that an inner voice keeps hounding them until the clamoring sounds of change are strong enough to lead them forward.
We may resist the road to change because of a pattern of prior failure. We might say, “I’ve tried that before and it didn’t work." We may view the motivation to change as an either/or dilemma. “Either I’m 100% successful or I’m a total failure." We may overlook the subtle changes that are necessary to complete a task. Goals may be unrealistic and set the stage for failure. An additional obstacle may emerge when we start down the road of progress and face a bout with regression. The relapse may be viewed as a monumental set-back rather than a part of the growth process and may lead us to completely give up on the new task.
Those who are unmotivated tend to harbor self-blame. They will blame themselves for their inability to change or will chastise themselves for any behavioral backsliding. With a mind-set filled with victim-posturing, the unmotivated will say, ‘It’s no use; no matter how hard I try, I will always come up short; it’s just my nature." Self-blame becomes an excuse for not trying. The self-centered focus is on personal failure rather than the impetus to move forward in spite of failure.
Often we remain unmotivated because we fear success. If we contemplate losing weight we might say, “What if I lost weight and start to look more attractive? How would that affect the way others view me?" My friend might want to get close with me and I don’t know if I am ready for that!" The fear of success often keeps us connected to the security of the past.
The foundation for willing ourselves to success begins with the process of setting goals. We must start with identifying what we really want and need. For example, our thinking about our lives must be reframed to reflect a positive way of perceiving events. A friend who was unhappy with her life once told me, “I know that I am withdrawing from people and I believe that it is bad for me." It would have been preferable if she had said, “I need to feel connected with other people; I want to find a way to make that happen." How we frame our thoughts helps us to determine ways in which we can act upon them.
It is very difficult to move forward when you don’t know where you are going. Setting realistic goals is essential to increasing our self-motivation. Goals need to be identified and ‘chunked down" into smaller steps. This makes getting motivated less overwhelming and easier to manage.
Giving yourself permission is an important ingredient to creating motivation. Often, we lack a sense of inner permission because we have relied on others to lead our lives. The fact that we have depended on others to direct our life leaves us feeling incompetent and thwarts the possibility for change.
Those of us who choose to be do-it-on-your-own grown-ups don’t wait, don’t procrastinate, but act. Life is too short. The fear of passing time may give us cause for urgency about changing our life and making things right. Such a feeling of urgency may create the conditions necessary for changing the quality of our character and behavior. We don’t have forever to will ourselves to success. Today is the day to redeem that which we have put on hold.
James P Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC, CCBT is an author, a freelance writer and nationally certified cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale , Arizona . His personal growth book, Stepping Out of the Bubble is available at www.booklocker.com . James can be reached through his website at www.krehbielcounseling.com .
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)James, this article reminded me of when I was younger and my friend and I took dancing lessons 'with the famous' on Broadway. We motivated ourselves to get the nerve to go and once my first lesson was over, I calmly asked the owner 'when i should begin my voice lessons.' Phil (the owner) stared at me blankly and simply stated to me that I shouldn't ever consider it because... well I just didn't have talent and we shouldn't have been there in the first place. That didn't stop me or my friend, but he was right.... smile, but it still made for fun memories. Anyway, you are absolutely correct, life is too short. So you fail at something, so what? All you have to do, as the song goes, 'dust yourself off and start all over again...." Thanks for a good article!Judi, Thanks for your comment. Mistake-making is part of learning and being human. Many of us have trouble making decisions because we are so worried about the outcome. I always tell people that it's the"choosing" that counts. If you screw up you can always make another decision! Have a nice day and keep up the great writing.
hi james, well, you didn't use one extra word. this story was to the point and filled wih good, productive information. i thouroughly enjoyed it. it was smooth and easy, yet very helpful. thank you, best regards, susan thomHey Susan, I'm glad I did't use one extra word 'cause this writing sometimes wears me out. lol Thanks for your kind comment.
James, This is a 'spot-on' article filled with truth. I like the way you turned around what your friend said. It opened my eyes on some of my own self-talk. I raised my children to believe that making a decision was better than never making a decision, and if it turned out to be the wrong decision, then you make another decision. So far, it has stood them in good stead. I always enjoy your articles. Hannah
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