The Terrors of Life With An OCD Wife
Posted: Wednesday, May 23, 2007
by James P Krehbiel
Krehbiel Counseling
What in the heck happened? Why didn’t I see it coming? I guess I should give myself a break. I suppose you have to live with a partner before fully understanding the differences in the way people live. It didn’t take me long to find out that we landed on polar planets.
My wife is a neat-freak and an organizer – sigh! I think it was passed down through the gene pool. On the other hand, I am a bonified spreader. I confess, currently there are two empty coffee cups, two plastic water glasses, and a half empty soda can in my office. My desk is cluttered with “important" papers. It is so bad that Andrea cordons off my office when the cleaning lady comes each month. She refuses to subject Maria to cleaning around the junk on my desk.
My side of the bed seems to be the focal point or featured dumping ground for all the stuff that I leave laying around the house. It’s quite an interesting pile of assorted artifacts, including shoes, socks, clothes, glasses, cell-phones, and extraneous papers. This consciousness-raising concept orchestrated by my wife does get my attention so it has become a standard operating procedure in our house.
One of my many bad habits is failing to remember to put my chair back in its proper place after eating. One morning, as I meandered into the kitchen for breakfast, I found a missing chair at my seating area. Andrea still maintains that it was stolen by an alien.
Today, my wife was looking through a catalogue and found a deluxe-model shoe holder. She graciously offered to purchase it for me. I gave her an interesting look, proceeded to pick up my shoes and return them to their proper place, and told her that it was too costly of an investment to buy a shoe rack.
There is a silver lining in this organizational stuff. When my “garbage" gets too deep, and I start tripping over it, I generally become more conscientious about handling the chaos. Andrea appreciates this.
Come to think of it, the real truth is that my wife and I have begun to negotiate this issue. Andrea has become a little more flexible, and I have become more sensitive about the nature of my surroundings. After all, isn’t that what marriage is all about? I mean a transformation which consists of taking on some of the qualities of your partner? I hope so, because otherwise we are headed down a one way street going in the wrong direction.
James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC is an author, a freelance writer and nationally certified cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale , Arizona . Are you in the bubble or have you stepped out? www.krehbielcounseling.com .
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Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)I've never been married James, however I have picked up good habits from people I've lived with. When these new habits become a natural way of life, hey that's what it's all about learning the good points in others, can bring the best out of us.David, Thanks for your comment. I'm really not as bad as the article indicates. But I thought it would make for some good humour.
Your article title made me laugh - especially after I read your description of your wife... I'm sure she seems OCD to you. My husband and I fit your description of you and your wife. I think I'm normal and he's just messy, he thinks he's normal and I'm a neat freak. It's all in the perspective. However, we've decided to own our differences. I don't complain about his "habits" and so I earn myself grace for my "habits"... like forgetting to turn off the oven (for days). We can't decide if that makes us compatible or co-dependent. LOLJean, My wife is wonderful. I confess, I am not as sloppy as the article indicates. However, my wife may still think so. I am glad you and your husband have worked this issue out. It comes up alot in therapy. Have a nice day!
hi james, i could have wrote that article myself, since i related to everything. i, being the neat freak. i never had a housekeeper, though, but i was one, and also always wondered why my clients would clean up before i came. and that "not pushing your chair in" is shared by my partner, and drives me crazy (er) i enjoyed reading this article. and it's easy to read, and flows well. thank you, sue thomSusan, Yea, the chair thing is a killer! Thanks for reading my article. I appreciate it.
James, I wonder if your clients/patients get to see this side of you. I am not sure if it's appropriate in your field but it'd be a shame if it weren't. I, like Jean, laughed at the title. There's a rhyme in it and a nice ring to it, too. I used to be a neat-freak then I married someone who wasn't. To live as peacefully with him as I could, I became more like him. Once he had to remind me I was no longer "on the road" [living in a hotel] and he wasn't "housekeeping." We were married too long for me to have reverted back to a neat freak. I leave it to the the housekeeper but of course, I do the cleaning before the cleaning, too. My excuse now? I'm in and out of hotels too much. Who makes their beds and clean up after themselves? The maid does it! Thanks James for a well-written article filled with humour! Have a safe Memorial Day Weekend!Avis, You are a good sport to make those changes. How's it feel not to be a neak freak? Anyway, thanks for your response and enjoy your weekend. We are going up to Sedona to stay and should be alot of fun. I don't even have to worry about cleaning!
Oh, James, it was as though you had spied our home and I understand exactly how your wife feels about 'the chair'.... maybe i'll look up some aliens as well.... thanks for a great article and a good laugh!Judi, Tell your partner I said hi! You are funny. Thanks for reading my goofy article.
Fortunately our home has enough aluminum foil to keep the aliens away from our furniture.
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